Gratitude...

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow."

Boobie-Cakes,Champagne,Cut-A-Thon and a Cry Baby...

http://picasaweb.google.com/walterherz/20081123TraceeSBenefit?authkey=_QLv4Mywu7w#



*Please view pics from Luxelab and ArtLAB Fights Back...

I'm very sorry, I still can't express in words what that day meant to us... all the love and gratitude is an understatement !
It's late.... I will try and compose myself. Like I told Rae..." I feel like I am dreaming and someone needs to wake me up"...

Dealing...

Dealing with the loss of your breast drops you smack in the front row of an emotional roller coaster. Even after I made the decision to have my breast reconstructed, I still had some doubts about the procedure. How will my new breasts look? Did I make to much of a radical decision? Will my cancer come back? Was there other options I should have explored? Was my body strong enough to handle an 8 1/2 hour surgery? Why didn't other survivors tell me how hard and how much pain this surgery can be? My therapist said that it was not unusual to have these feelings. Experts say shock, denial, anger, and depression typically come before acceptance. Meanwhile, life goes on around you: there are still household chores,a fiancee that needs be hugged after a long day of work, friends that need advise and a life that still needs to be managed and most important decision that have to be made.  No one knows who will get breast cancer and who won't. No one can tell you whether you should remove your healthy breast or not. Only I knew what would give me peace of mind. Clearly understanding my risk for developing the disease again would play a great role in making this very hard but, hopefully right decision.

If I can try to view my reconstruction as an odyssey with an outcome, I think I would fare better. When I get uncomfortable, uneasy, or tired of the reconstruction ordeal, I try to remember it isn't a life sentence. It's a finite experience with a beginning, a middle and an end.

My treatment and reconstruction offers positives that I am open to. Learn--or relearn--to appreciate life and all it offers. Spearate the nickel-and-dime issues, like getting stuck in traffic or burning the toast or Joey leaving his wet towel on the bed... from the truly serious.
It's often said that cancer is a journey. Sometimes we don't realize that until we reach the end of the process and look back. If only hindsight arrived a little sooner!

My wish is that... in my life time we'll control breast cancer. We'll know how to prevent it or turn it off, and mastectomy will become obsolete. Until then, reconstruction is our best antidote to losing a breast or a life...I wish that for the future my little cousins or my friends daughters will never have to make the decisions I've had to.Someday, we'll put breast cancer where it belongs: alongside polio, small pox, and whopping cough on the list of diseases we've cured and no longer fear. I feel very confident that my amazing team of doctors at USC Norris Breast Cancer Center will have a hand in doing so.  And, no one will ever lose their mother,sister,wife,cousin or friend again to breast cancer! 
Last I would like to leave you with a few facts: The best protection is early detection... How aware are you?  And, over 180,000 women are diagnosed with Breast Cancer each year... approximately 1 every 3 minutes and in the time it has taken you to read this post a women dies every 7.5 minutes...

Tracee

Save The Tatas...

Julia Fikse, founder of Ta-tas trademark brand clothing, who wants to do some good in the world, has built a company based on the philosophy that laughter heals. As Fikse states on the Ta-tas company website, "Our mission is to celebrate the varied beauty of women through playful expressive clothing and accessories. We believe all people are uniquely designed by God and should feel comfortable, valuable and beautiful as they are." Some of the slogans screen printed on tees include: caught you looking at my ta-tas; ta-tas unite; and save the ta-tas. Fikse is living her goal of doing some good in the world as she donates five percent of every sale to The Breast Cancer Research Foundation in hopes of finding a breast cancer cure in our lifetime. Save the Ta-tas tee shirts are dedicated to promoting breast cancer research through humor. Ta-tas gives 5% of every sale to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation. Wear these tees and show your support in the fight against breast cancer.

From the time I was diagnosed, I fell in love with this company. Please take the time read about Save the Tatas and the work they do . At that time it was the only thing I could really identify with. They somehow captured a catch phrase that was cute but, got the word out in a non-scary way. They are my personal sponsor. They were with us for the Revlon RUN/WALK, the supported the FEARLEADERS and were a huge hit at the "Because We Care" benefit at Bar Celona last Thursday...

http://www.savethetatas.com/

I would like to thank Craig @ Save The Tatas... for caring!

LUXELAB CUT-A-THON!!!!

LuxeLab and ArtLab are hosting a cut-a-thon Sunday Nov 23rd. All proceeds go directly to Tracee and Joey! There will be raffles not to mention USC Norris Cancer Center will be offering low cost($75) Digital Mammogram Screenings to any women who makes an appointment that day! The Norris Center provides state of the art testing and is one of the leading Breast Cancer centers. MAKE YOUR APPOINTMENT NOW!!
LuxeLab
(310) 255-9900
1408 Montana Ave. Santa Monica, CA 90403

She Made My Day...

Dear Tracee,
I finally saw the blog other day after we talked. I did that google search for a person like you said and found your blog.

Tracee you are so beautiful. Everything you have put in your blog is just as you would say it. I can hear you as I read it like you are saying it to me. I read what you just posted and you are so gracious to everyone that is doing wonderful things for you and Joey. I think that alot of people will not be the same knowing what you are going threw. I can't imagine being in your shoes. I just know that you do everything with that tough Tracee way that i admire. Tough but girly and safistacated. I feel relief everythime I talk to you because you are so positive. That is what will carry you through.You always get what you want and damn it, you will get what you want through this too!!!!

I ask my self.....
Why this is happening? Where do you get the strength? I can't believe what is right before me.

How can you be concerned for other people when you have so much going on in your life??

How did God make you such a wondeful person?? Why did God place us in each others lives??

I wish I could be there with you, around you everyday.

You have saved me so much in so many ways and I am truely sorry I am so far away.

I knew you would make a difference when you told me you don't know how but you were going to do something good for people and you are. Imagine how many people you have saved by sharing your journey.

I think of you everyday and am proud to know you. I can't be there physically everyday but I am just a phone call away at anytime you need someone. Please take that and use it!!! I love you Tracee!!! You are a gift to everyone that is lucky enough to be blessed by your friendship.

Keep getting well and get to where you and Joey deserve to be. Truely enjoying life!!!

*Elisa*



-me (Tracee)
I needed to hear this on a day when... I am SOOO tired, sore and my body doesn't look like mine.
All bandages are off and all drainage tubes are gone. I look in the mirror and I don't know who that is...
I want to become okay with it. I actually, do like the size my doctors were able to get at this (stage I) of the reconstruction process. I don't miss those big-o-boobies... I think I'm less then 100cc. (very small A)... And, I think I look like 10lbs. smaller...

BLENDER NIGHT...

A special thank you to Marlene Olivarez , for all your hard work and love. You are an incredible addition to our family.

I would like to thank Loriann and her amazing team for such a beautiful night and thank you for helping to raise money for the
T-FUND and helping to bring awareness.

Please check out the photos from an amazing night:

http://rudytorresrocks.com/gallery/6551778_ykC9j#P-1-12

Loriann...

Lori,
Those pictures are breathtaking! At least what I could see through all of my tears. I see joy in everyone’s faces. The bar looks amazing and it's glowing with love!!! WOW!!! Words can't describe my immense joy and peace – you have touched me down to the core.

Throughout the many moments of my journey, I would question humanity and the world. I have seen so much with both Joe’s and my illness that I will never be the person I was before. The act of kindness from you and your team truly restores our faith that there is still so much love and humanity left in this world. I have seen people's true colors from the time I was diagnosed. Friends that swore they were friends--fell short. A friend that I never thought cared became my rock. Family stepped up and filled in the cracks. Thus, I started to meet a network of angels. Lori, you are truly an angel. I don't even know if you are aware of your energy; you are captivating and your humanity is something that one does not see with any frequency in women these days.

I believe that is why you are the true meaning of what it means to be a WOMAN. You treat people with respect. And you have shown us only love. Thank you for being one of my angels. So, many women have it all backwards, to really grasp what “it” means to be real woman. They think they need to wear $300 dollar jeans or carry the hottest purse to be "something". I know because, I was one of them. Then I found my purpose and life is so much more than the superficial and material world. I know you found out, as well that it doesn't take all that to make a woman a woman. It's what's inside and what you do with it, and last night you gave back! Not only did you give back, but also you gave back in a big time way. I don't know how you nailed it but everybody that came out to support the cause said they felt bits of me around and my spirit was there. I know I was too...

Much love,


Tracee

PayPal Info...

Hello... Please note as of today the PayPal account for Tracee's T-Fund has been established. If you have a PayPal account or would like to set one up please log on to their offical website: www.Paypal.com go to send money and reference: traceemanz@gmail.com

Regarding The Fraud

As previously stated, it has been brought to our attention that Tracee's name and information is being used in a door to door money collecting scam. The person or persons collecting this money have NO AFFLIATION with Tracee or the T-fund. Until the Pink Event we had not reached out to the general public for fundraising help.

We are currently working with the authorities to gather further information on the person or persons perpetrating this scam. We are taking all necessary measures to prevent the further victimization of Tracee, her name and the T-fund.

We would like to thank those of you kind enough to open your hearts to Tracee and Joey in their time of need. We would also like to express our sincerest apologies to any person whose good faith was taken advantage of.

Until this situation is cleared up, and it will be very shortly, you can make your donations in person at the Pink Event taking place at Bar Celona, 46 East Colorado, Pasadena, CA @ 8pm. We are in the process of linking the T-fund to a new secure account and are setting up a paypal account for those of you that wish to donate but can not attend the event.

Again, we thank you very much for all of your love and support!

If you would like any further information or have any information to offer please contact us at:
loriannvalencia@gmail.com for information regarding Thursday's Pink Event
-or-
syko78@gmail.com for any other information

Benefit For Tracee

-Clothing items/gift certificate from Red Hot Gear
-Gift certificates from Tutti Gelati in Old Town Pasadena courtesy of Kelin Kay
-2 pair DJ headphones from Skull Candy
-Small gift basket from Blanca Gallegos containing Pampered Chef Items
-1 gift certificate for a haircut and blow dry from Michael Zaldivar at J Street Salon in Pasadena
-1 $50 gift certificate to Bar Celona courtesy of Jack Huang
-$50 Gift Certificate to Arco Iris Restaurant in Highland Park courtesy of Jesse Gomez
-A pair of Laker tickets for the Lakers vs. Sacramento Kings November 23, 2008 courtesy of Anthony Garcia
-A pair of Laker tickets for the Lakers vs. Sacramento Kings November 23, 2008 courtesy of Lizzie Lopez
-One reserved VIP area with 5 complimentary admission tickets and 1 complimentary bottle to Antipop at Orchid, opening 11/28/08
-Two gift certificates for dinner for two at Ambiente in Alhambra courtesy of Dennis Bandy, valid through 12/31/08
-One gift certificate valued at $150 for a complete auto detail at C & C Collision, compliments of Nathan Simmons
-One $40 gift certificate for Starbucks compliments of The Roca Family/Villa Sorriso Fridays
-Several items to be named donated on behalf of Legg Avenue for women(thank you, Vanessa)
-Product donated on behalf of Black Label Skateboards courtesy of Broadzilla from the LA Derby Dolls:
1
1 Black Label Childress/ Mountain LTD skateboard deck

1 Black Label Leeper/ Natas LTD skateboard deck

1 Set Black Label 50-50 wheels size 51mm

1 Set Black label 50-50 wheels size 53mm

1 Black Label Tshirt: Mix Tape/ Size XL

1 Black Label Tshirt: Wild Flame/ Size XL

1 Black Label Tshirt: Cold Ones Size LG

1 Black Label OG Elephant hat

1 Black Label Chomp Hooded Sweatshirt. Size Medium

-One gift certificate to Burke Williams courtesy of the Equator Restaurant and Bar
-4 $50 gift cards for Neihule Hair Salon in Downtown Los Angeles courtesy of Dino No
-One "Breast Cancer Fight Basket" valued at $75 courtesy of Yvonne Flores
-1 $100 gift certificate for hair services at Dej Salon in Sherman Oaks compliments of "Gloria"

LUXELAB CUT-A-THON!!!!

LuxeLab and ArtLab are hosting a cut-a-thon Sunday Nov 23rd. All proceeds go directly to Tracee and Joey! There will be raffles not to mention USC Norris Cancer Center will be offering low cost($75) Digital Mammogram Screenings to any women who makes an appointment that day! The Norris Center provides state of the art testing and is one of the leading Breast Cancer centers. MAKE YOUR APPOINTMENT NOW!!
LuxeLab
(310) 255-9900
1408 Montana Ave. Santa Monica, CA 90403

Photos of my journey so far.......

This is right before the start of Chemotherapy

This is right after 5 1/2 months of Chemo!

Later that Night!

Night out with family and friends!

I had the honor of being the guest speaker for USC Norris Cancer centers Breast Cancer Awareness Day
My Wonderful Doctors and I!

I was also a special guest speaker at a USC sorority!

JOEY 'n' I !!!

MY FAMILY WALKING IN MY HONOR AT THE REVLON WALK!

Even during Chemo, I have to represent The Fearleaders!

WARNING!! TRACEE'S NAMED BEING USED IN A SCAM!

So we got word today that someone out there is using Tracee Manzanare's name in a fraudulent scam. Apparently, her name and the B of A account number for the "T-Fund" (which was set up for her by the family) has been given out. Please hold off on donating to the account until we can sort this out tonight. I'm sorry if anyone was affected. We will be posting updates shortly. Thank You.

Please know that this blog and any info on here is legitimate for Tracee Manzanares. 

The Derby Dolls on KTLA morning news supporting Ginger

This is Tracee's cousin Mando, Guess Dj for The Tracee Blog. I'm coming to you live from Tracee's room. I'm happy to say she is hanging in there. She is recouping right now and her spirits are good. Keep the messages coming. She really appreciates them all.

So the L.A. Derby Dolls were on KTLA morning news. Check out Evil E's sign. Much love for sending Tracee, aka Miss Ginger, some love! Click the pic to see the video!

STAY TUNED FOR SOME FUNDRAISING BENEFITS IN THE VERY NEAR FUTURE!!!!!

-Mando

My Love...

Okay... If life can't get more challenging... Here we goooo!!! And, I am still trying to wrap my head around this too. Joey's wrist was hurting from cooking at the restaurant so, he went to the E.R. because, it looked like a bone was popping out. They did an x-ray and could not find a broken bone so they sent him to see his primary care physician to get an authorization to see an orthopedic surgeon... his primary care D.R. decided to do a annual exam since, Joey was there. So, a few days later we got a call and Joey's blood count was not normal. After many test they found out that Joey has Leukemia a very rare Leukemia that not only effects the white blood cells but his bone marrow too. Joey started Chemo a few months ago and we are still learning what all this means for him and what this means for his future well being.

This news of course has been devastating to us. This comes at time when I was planning on wrapping up my chemo and preparing for my breast surgery. But, with Joey now being on chemo and being on a health watch. I feel I have to now shift my focus from my self to him...
His D.R.'s are afraid that because is white blood count is over a million he will go into cardiac arrest or have a stroke. But, they feel very confident they will be able to control his numbers in the next few months...

I am so broken up over this new. We are just trying to understand why?
My heart is broken. I know how hard chemo is and don't think Joey is strong enough for this fight. But, we pray that will understand and just make it thru. I love him so much and it is killing me.

My Journey

In March, quite by accident, I discovered a large mass in my right breast. I was running late for work, of course! I ran into to the bathroom without a shirt or bra, trying to throw my hair into a ponytail. When I lifted my arms above my head I discovered the lower part of my breast was starting to retract and looked disfigured. Right at that moment, I did a self-exam of my breast and discovered a large lump.

I am only 35 years old and have no real family history of cancer. Although, my Grandmother had breast cancer, she did not pass away from cancer and lived a very healthy life after a mastectomy. By no means would I have been considered textbook “High-Risk”. Therefore, none of my doctors had ever suggested that I have a mammogram at my age. However, I had been on oral contraceptives for over 10 years. I have since learned that it is very rare to develop breast cancer before the age of 40, and that breast cancers in young women tend to be more aggressive and diagnosed at a later stage than those of older women.


I have always scheduled and gone for a yearly exam for my birthday. So with my birthday approaching, I decided to not freak out and to let my doctor guided me after my examination. My doctor took the situation very serious and gave me a referral to see the Director of Breast Imaging. He then ordered an immediate mammogram and ultra sound. An order for a biopsy followed. It was long couple of days and many tests later when Dr. Holmes, Chief of Surgery at USC Norris delivered the news to me. He told me that I had Stage III-A breast cancer.


That week my doctor scheduled many tests and wanted to make sure that the cancer had not spread to other areas of my body due to it being many large tumors and being the most aggressive type. An MRI, a bone density scan and a CT scan were then ordered, so my doctors could be sure it had not already metastasized. Waiting for the results of those scans was probably the worst week of my life. Unfortunately, the tumor was metastasized and had spread to my lymph nodes. Now they knew that at least two lymph nodes were malignant.


As I had several tumors in different parts of the breast, a lumpectomy was not an option for me. I was told that I probably had cancer for a year and half. My Doctor felt we would need to take an aggressive route for my treatment. His aggressive plan of attack on Cancer would translate to six months of chemotherapy, followed by a full mastectomy, radiation treatment and then breast reconstruction.


I have completed 6 cycles of chemotherapy and it has been a horrible experience. I was developing high fevers and infections. Therefore, the day after Chemo I’d go back to the day hospital and receive an injection in my abdomen. This was done to help my bone marrow replenish white blood cells thereby helping to reduce the risk of infections. The cost of an afternoon of Chemo is costing $28,255.00 and the Neusleta injection is running $13,000.00. The treatment costs are outrageous. Even with health insurance, I still am responsible for 20% of the costs. I will need to be on Herceptin for a year after testing HER-2 Positive. I had to take an unpaid medical leave from my job as a hairdresser to start my cancer treatment. With little to no income coming in it has been the most humbling experience ever. The stress of medical bills and still trying to keep up with personal and household costs has been overwhelming. Compounding everything else I must deal with, as a result of my treatment I am entering permanent menopause. At the age 35, menopause has been extremely challenging for me. The loss of so much estrogen means that I will immediately have a higher risk of heart disease, osteoporosis, weight gain, and other issues. I feel as though cancer is robbing me of my youth, health, and my womanhood. Giving birth to my own biological children is no longer an option for me. Coping with that reality is still very unsettling and saddening to me. I realize that my health is digging me into a hole from which it will be very difficult to recover. I have spent the last few months focused on getting through my treatments that I have not even started to think about how I am going to pay for everything. Unfortunately, my medical bills may financially ruin me--FOREVER. So, I just try to focus on getting through the next steps of my treatment that remain. I have an enormous amount faith and pray to the Lord for strength and the will to look beyond this part of the journey. I have to fight this battle. I have so much life yet to live. My life is filled with love ones and treasured friendships, some spanning more than 15 years; I’m not ready to wave goodbye. I have things to do.


Friends have stepped up to help with support; relatives have found strength that they didn’t know they had. I’ve learned that I am surround by women who’ve survived beast cancer -- and they are in a position to and want to help me survive. I can feel the walls of cynicism falling away and I have hope for humanity. My coworkers caring, helping hands have been outstretched to me, and thus, has allowed me to shift my focus from my internal struggle, to focus outside myself, to the future.


Let me remind you once again to do those things you’ve always wanted to do, to treasure your life, your friends and your family. Make sure they know you love them. And, know I will continue to fight. I will continue to fight for me and for every woman!